In retrospect
In retrospect
I'm trying not to be an angry atheist and I am finding that to be a tough task
For me, trauma in childhood caused resentment and anger. Since the source of my trauma was Christianity, I walked a path that led to angry atheism, which is not a healthy place to live.1 I am trying to get past decades of resentment for being forced into a system of dogma that was clearly and obviously fantasy. I didn’t want to be forced to pray to a petty, jealous tribal god.
It took me a long time to mature beyond the point where verbal attacks and the use of fallacies could be mentally processed and rebutted without investment in personal emotions. Personal trauma gets in the way. Emotional growth is hard, and most people (me included) avoid hard things.
Then there is the fact that Christian evangelicals teach you that subservience is the only proper way to live. Be subservient to your lord. Be subservient to your government. Be subservient to your parents and elders. And by god, if you are unlucky enough to have been born female, shut the fuck up at all times. You are property, and property has no valuable opinions.
When I was a contractor in Afghanistan (police trainer and professional mentor), I was greatly disturbed that if you, as an Afghan woman, were married off to an Afghan man you did not know or love and were lucky enough to have a passport, that document would be passed from your father to your husband, whom you must learn to cohabitate with despite having little to no input on the selection of said husband.
Having no say in the course of your own existence breeds resentment. I speak from the perspective of personal knowledge. One of the main “issues” I experienced as a police mentor in Afghanistan was dealing with the fallout of ignorant “culture” spawned by conservative religion. Conservative, dogmatic thinking allows children to be traded as property.
That’s what led to a common form of suicide in Afghanistan while I lived there. Child brides would pour kerosene over themselves because it was an escape from intolerable environmental conditions.2 At least it was sometimes.
Imagine being anally raped and then beaten for not becoming pregnant. Yes, that is a real example of something that was far from uncommon at the time I lived in Afghanistan. Because of the prevailing dogma in that time and place, men learned it was better to rape a young boy anally than it was to have sex outside of marriage. In some cases, that bad idea carried over to when the female property became assigned to a new husband.
Is it bad that I am angry? I do not want to live in a world where females have no voice, young boys are raped, and the confluence of these values leads to endemic suicide because of the crossover between the sicknesses. I would like to live in a world where all human individuals are valued and not used up casually until their only way out is a canister of kerosene and a match.
I’d like to be less angry, but I am not sure I know how after seeing humanity’s low points.
https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2010/sep/09/god-richard-dawkins-angry-atheist
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2011/02/afghanistan-burned-brides-maria-bashir-elliott-woods/
Penfist,
Your posts are frequently agonizing for me. Not just because of your struggle and pain which hurts my heart and churns my gut, but also because some of the years I raised my children I was entrenched in the cult of christianity. I'm ashamed and mourn some things I exposed them to. My mind didn't clear until I worked closely with several churches and their leadership. After getting a good look behind the curtain I couldn't get far enough away from anyone with a bible. None of us now are practicing any type of organized religion. My kids are left with a distaste for religion. I'm not an angry atheist but I AM angry. Yes, there are some compassionate and loving people inside organized religion. But they are far outnumbered and many who appear compassionate and loving ... actually aren't. Kind people spouting sanctimonious bs is the official uniform of the day, every day. That is what my experience taught me. Yes, they were just a portion of church-goers but it's the same portion fighting for the steering wheel in America today.
I'm grateful to hear your point of view because it reminds me to reassess. I never want to fall into anyone's hive mind again. The stab of your pen helps keep me honest with myself. Thank you.
Pen,
I too have been angry about what religion has done to us as a species. Maybe the fact that I was that "angry atheist" at a very young age meant that I worked through it earlier.
But it is so complicated. There are examples of religious people and organizations that are compassionate and loving. And yet if we look around the world, so much of the violence and carnage is launched from a religious platform.
I admire your examination of the subject. But you know already that when we let the enemy occupy too much our brains, we have given them control.
Peace, brother.