In retrospect, Part II
Looking back to improve the forward path
I was intelligent enough to blog my time in Iraq, and a few moments before I found myself ordered there at the height of the U.S. invasion that was played off as a “multi-national coalition of the willing” - which I believed at the time.
I wrote 1,001 posts in that publication, which I called, The Will to Exist. It drew mild attention, but for me, it was a journey inward and outward. I am overwhelmingly glad to have recovered the original database recently, and I will be sharing the past, updated with the present, with hopes for the future. A better future for all of us that are alive, and for those who might come after I am gone. Not just humans, but non-humans that fit into the category of life.
The above AI-generated image scares and impresses me. It is weirdly appropriate to the seemingly true lies that we humans tell each other. And I keep thinking about game theory.1
Can we humans really be rational agents, or will that be another species’ fate, somewhere else in the universe? It is hard to say. What I know at this moment is that I am grateful to still be here. I’m grateful to have readers, and I am most grateful of all that all of you who have stayed are willing to call me out when you disagree. It makes me better. I am getting better at being alive. Sentience is a beautiful, ugly thing and I wrestle every day with the privileges I was born into, and that so many billions of others were not.
If you or someone you know has self-awareness and demons, maybe we can learn from one another. Very soon, I’ll be taking this crew on a journey into madness that a con artist and his team sold me with one beheading video.2 TRIGGER WARNING: The link is not the video, but the article itself is incredibly disturbing to anyone who cares about living things. I am so sorry to present reality as I see it, but I must.
“Beware that when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” —Nietzsche
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory
https://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/world/iraq/2004-05-11-iraq-beheading_x.htm
Thanks Pen for another insightful meditation. I am barely acquainted with game theory, so cannot comment intelligently on that topic until I’ve read more. I do appreciate that you tackle the great human struggle for meaning in your pieces. For me life’s greatest meaning now is in watching my grandchildren as they grow. There’s always a tinge of fear for them but also I feel the privilege of watching their silliness, their innocence and their unspoiled love for life. Would that we could all remain children.
Pen, Thanks for the welcome. I'm glad to be here.
You mentioned game theory and linked to an excellent Wikipedia page on the subject. While von Neumann is considered the father of modern, formal game theory, I see its roots in the medieval Mystery Plays. Cooperation between performer and audience was the point of the thing and it employed a rudimentary version of game theory. Group participation leveraged into not just a better outcome but a more fruitful journey toward that outcome. In this case, more fun and a great ending to the performance. I used to think of game theory as a benevolent approach that humanity would someday embrace in order to save our species. All we really have as humans is the journey. Shouldn't we WANT to work with others to make our journeys more fruitful? More mentoring? More caring? Alas, now when I think of game theory my mind goes to entities like Cambridge Analytica and I despair. CAN we humans be rational agents? Cambridge Analytica says no. And yet tomorrow morning the sun will certainly rise and I'll get up and try not to lose hope. The gift of sentience is both a burden and privilege. My wish is that we never tire of either.